Teleidoscope

Fri, Mar 14, 2008

Melancholy

Posted at 7:49 pm MDT to Miscellaneous

My brain chemistry is definitely hosed. I'm pretty sure the problem is situational depression and clinical (i.e. neurochemical) depression feeding back on each other.

I think the last time I melted down as much as I did this morning was 2002. Or maybe not since 1984, when I was officially diagnosed with depression. I doubled the St. John's Wort (to the full recommended dose) and made an appointment for Monday afternoon with my acupuncturist.

Fortunately, I had stabilized enough to speak normally before I needed to talk to anyone other than the acupuncturist on the phone.

That may have been partly the herbs kicking in. I've taken an evening dose so I don't bottom out again over night. I need to visit Whole Foods tomorrow to stock up on the St. John's Wort: if I need to take 4 capsules a day (or the six that's the recommended max) my current supply won't last very long.

Albert Einstein or Ben Franklin, or both, said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome. Herbs and acupuncture may help stabilize the chemical side of things, but I also need to do something about the situational side of the problem. I have both versions of my resume open: the one my company uses and the one from my website. They both need to be updated with what I have done since last July, which means thinking about what I have been doing on these last few stupid contracts.

Ugh.

Maybe I'll work on them tomorrow. I should do my taxes, too, if I don't spend half the weekend in bed the way I did last week. I'm expecting a hefty refund this year, and it would be nice to have a bigger cash buffer right about now. Options are always good to have.

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